I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
