My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
