You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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