It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
