Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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