I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i will never coherently bang her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
