Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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