in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
