a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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