They should really pass out barf bags in church
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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