I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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