If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
