First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
