OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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