wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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