I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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