How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize