Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
