the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Never underestimate the power of titties
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
