Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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