I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How naked do you want me to be?
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