Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
