awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize