I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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