i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
