You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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