11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
