i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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