Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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