yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
