I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
