I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
