I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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