What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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