Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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