Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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