Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
