I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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