Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
