i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
