i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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