goodnight i made you a song goodbye
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
