I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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