He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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