definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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