Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
