either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
