he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
