he wants to bone in the snuggie
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
