how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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