If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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