Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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