Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
