I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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