I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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