Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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