she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
