walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
