He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I am morally bankrupt
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize