You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
