u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
