I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
