so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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