Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
