So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
