im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
