i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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