is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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